I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
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I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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