Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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