I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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