you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize