So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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