so that wasnt chicken after all
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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