she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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