I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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