I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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