One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
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After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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