remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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