I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
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