I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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