you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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