My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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