dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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