Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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