Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
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Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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