Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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