My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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