make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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