I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize