You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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