I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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