Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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