She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize