For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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