woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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