he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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