how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize