piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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