you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I need moral support for this bender
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize