The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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