You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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