Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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