that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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