If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
well you can't waste a boner
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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