Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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