So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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