I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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