I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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