When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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