hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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