yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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