She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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