She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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