just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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