Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize