It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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