first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just cropdusted the office
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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